just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
