"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
