Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Panties = found
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
