You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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