I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
