I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
