My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
