I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
