i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
