Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
