I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
