I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
there is glitter all over my balls
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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