piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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