So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
