he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
