i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
