we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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