He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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