I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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