I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
