I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
MIDGETS
????
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
