Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
