I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
