There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
