every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
