Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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