Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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