Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
