I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
