Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize