even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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