We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Couch. On fire.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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