I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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