WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
