it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
