I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
