He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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