he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
