i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
