Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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