I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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