Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
