My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm always down for nudity.
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