The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is my gift to your gina
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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