I can't watch pbs sober anymore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
