I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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