You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
