I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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