I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
