He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
