I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
