Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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