so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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