She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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