I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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