When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
