I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
