Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
