Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
