if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
