The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
