Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This toilet bowl is my home.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
