apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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