I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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