We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
