My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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