babies were throwing up all over the place
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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