Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
