Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
