Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
