just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
