The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
