Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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