do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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