he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
