Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
