I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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