my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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