If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
