Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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