So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
