I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
