He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
